I’m Not In Love

Sunday, 18 December 2011 23:00

Written by Lamis Selim

Today I want to save myself for you. I want to take care of myself, and look pretty just for you. I want to have shiny soft skin, a luscious body, rosy cheeks and a charming smile only for you. I want to glow from the inside and be loved by everyone for your sake. I want to have a glamorous personality just so you would be envied for being with me. I want to save myself from any harm so that when you finally get to have me, I would be flawless. Perfect. The way you deserve to have someone …

Today I’m feeling this for the first time. The feeling of salvation because of you. Feeling safe when I’m right next to you, but most of all fidelity for you. I don’t know exactly what to call this but what I felt with you is indescribable. You did what no one did before. I don’t know how?. Maybe it was luck that was on our side and that’s how we met, or maybe we are sincerely compatible.

I really don’t know. I don’t know what to call this. Is it love? Friendship? Adoration? Lust maybe? I’m filled with question marks bouncing up and down in my heart seeking answers. Where were you all this time my friend? Where the hell were you? Don’t you know that you are exactly what I need. You are the music of my guitar, the beat of my lonely torn apart heart; you are the air I breath, the blood running through my veins. I have lived without you for 16 years and the day I met you, I was reborn. You brought out feelings in me that were buried deep inside and no one dared to take the step to see what they really are. You bought out the true feeling of friendship, love, honor, dignity, sweetness, kindness, passion, spontaneity.

Why is it that the first time I saw you, I felt that I knew you all my life. I feel utterly comfortable with you that it scares me. I’m so scared I may even call you right now and spill all this out. Why is it that I feel complete when I’m around you and shattered when you’re away?? Why do I want to devote myself to you and I barely know you?! Why am I starving to hold your hands once more or at least feel its touch on mine for the last time? Why is it that the first day I met you I had a dream about us being together?

I remember when I saw you how I used to stare at you for long times when you weren’t looking. I wanted to memorize each feature of you so I could be with you again anytime I wanted to. And as I looked into your eyes I saw pureness, gentleness, but manly gentleness. You are beautiful in every way. A godsend angel. You changed me more than you can ever know.

I miss you more than I’ve ever missed anyone in my life. And after less than 24 hours since I last saw you, I left my heart with you. Because I don’t want it anymore. My heart will be in much better hands with you, away from me. I belong to you, since you had me at hello.

As I was in the train, I dreaded each moment I lived knowing I was moving away from you by the second. And tomorrow I’m going to be thousands of miles away from you. I have your memories in my heart. You’re right infront of me now and always. But memories are not enough. My undying thirst to be with you is inevitable.

I am now thirsty for you, to be with me, weak and lonely and shattered away from you. I want more and more and more, im greedy and selfish and need you beside me. I really really hate myself for living away from you and breathing without you by my side because my ultimate wish in life is to inhale the air you breathe...feel your heart beat and know you’re right next to me and will never ever leave me. My love for you is insatiable.

To my inspiration, wish you knew...

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Comments

+2 #3 Steve 2012-01-08 01:49

Beautiful writing. I would send a copy to the person you are writing about. Maybe the person would be a good spouse in the future. Your title is correct, you are not in love, you are infatuated, which is not bad. It can lead to a healthy, loving, relationship. Your writing is exceptional, a pleasure read. You may want to submit it to a magazine with mostly teenage girls reading it. I would take out the expression using hell. Again, beautiful writing.

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